Mama love

And Daddy love too. 

Granny flew down at the last minute to help out a few weeks ago because, despite me not asking for help and saying we were ok, they knew we weren't. Dad took it into his own hands, booked a flight and my Mum was here before bedtime that night. Not an easy feat to organise at midday from 2000 kilometres away. I needed somebody to take control here. It is so hard to ask for help, especially when your not ok, especially when your grown up and a Mum and just do what has to be done, no matter what, everyday. I love my life, I love my family and I am fulfilling my dreams. But sometimes things beyond our control take over and you need help and support. I feel so fortunate to have family and friends who are there when I'm not able to find any more reserves in myself. And sometimes the needs of a young family cannot be met by one parent. Especially when it's the one who draws the income.

These few weeks of being able to do very little, and not knowing why I was unwell, left me feeling very vulnerable. I took the brief moments before bedtime to read to the kids because that was the extent of energy I could muster and I wanted to be with them. I got an insight into how I must've appeared from the outside when the last thing our big girl said to one night after I told her I loved her was' Mama, are you going to die?' I assured her I wasn't but she made me promise that if I was going to, I would tell her. Wow. Deep breath.

But, like everything life rolls our way, you learn from it. These weeks of not being able to do much, of being a spectator not a participant, showed me just how much I do everyday. I'm no Super Mum, I'm just doing what other parents do, but watching others, in this case two others, try to fill your role, do your daily tasks has made me realise how many balls I juggle. All the time. A few older people have said to me 'You've got lots of balls in the air at the moment' refering to this time in our lives, how many things I am/we are juggling. I just smile and say 'Yeah'. Because it's something I'm happy about. It is my choice to be here, doing this. I wouldn't be anywhere else.

When you first become a Mum you are in awe of anyone who has children, especially those who manage more than one or a child with difficulties. But, it is a gradual training in some ways and the load you can take becomes greater with your knowledge increase, household set-up changes and routines. Like any other job, the first five weeks are full of learning and you feel like your running the whole time but by the five year mark, things are a little calmer, things make sense and you complete many of your tasks without stretching your brain too much.

I cry as I write this, because although I am better at asking for help than I used to be, it is still very difficult to ask when you need it most. Make friends. Accept the Chicken Soup and the care it was cooked with. Stay in touch with family. Nurture these relationships. Always. They are so vitally important and rewarding for each person in them. They can be your saving and you can be someone else's. Be kind, gentle and a good friend. Anything else is wasting time.

Most importantly, do what makes you happy. Be the person you want to be. Soak up the world around you.

Truely love those who love you. And show them.

Love you Mum.
Love you Dad.
Forever and always.